The temperature has
dropped suddenly and though there is the occasional warm day and the
climate is generally sunny, it is clear that winter has arrived
early. It becomes bitingly cold and I take to wearing several layers
of clothes. Along with some of my colleagues I sometimes still wear
light clothing however this is either denial or bravado, I can't make
up my mind which. Eventually I give in and go out well insulated: one
of my Chinese friends reminds me by email to wear extra clothes! I
still cycle as much as I can except for shopping trips as the buses
tend to be overcrowded (this is China remember?) and the taxis can
often overcharge. I remain quite health conscious and decide to cook
for myself as much as is reasonably practicable. To this end I have
defrosted my freezer and run it down so that it's empty and I can
restock on groceries. I make a trip to a Chinese supermarket, they
are all quite good for meat and fish, and fill up with chicken, fish
and meat, along with various other products. There is the export
supermarket nearby where I can get pasta and barbecue sauces, so this
time I spend more than I usually do as I have emptied the pantry! The
freezer doesn't seem to freeze things properly following my having
defrosted it, I later learn that this is due to its being partially
empty. Now that it's full again, it gradually returns to normal.
I have long wanted
to start making art again whilst I am here, but as you may imagine,
obtaining the materials is a challenge. After months of scouring
shops last year I have obtained 30 square metres of heavy canvas
online with the help of some of my students. Near the campus there
are some art shops which I visit with a student to try and order some
stretchers. This is surprisingly easy although the lady at the shop
is very friendly and talks too much so it does take about half an
hour to order what I want. I order four large stretchers and the shop
makes these up for me. They are very good with a bevelled edge and
tongue and groove joints. What is more its less expensive than it
would have been to make them myself, at least in the UK. I buy a
staple gun and staples and set about stretching the canvas. This
turns out to be far from easy as it's so heavy I can't get the
creases out of it even though I stretch it tight as a drum. I try
wetting the canvas which works for a time as it shrinks, but when dry
it becomes slack again and I end up taking it off and re-stretching
it. Also humidity affects the canvases so that they keep slackening
and tightening according to the temperature. I realise this is as
good as it's going to get , so eventually wait until I can get paint
for priming and dust sheets.
This turns out to
be an almost insurmountable obstacle. I need a tin of ordinary white
emulsion which I mix with PVA and it makes a successful primer. I
can't buy acrylic primer as I need gallons of the stuff. So first of
all I try local markets, but cannot find any paint, so then on the
advice of Iris I try a big interior design market near the campus.
It's enormous and fascinating as it has hundreds of showrooms filled
with opulent furniture, lighting and décor attractively arranged.
There are 5 floors which you move between on escalators which are
stationary when you walk up to them, provoking the assumption that
like many things in China, they don't work, but they move when you
step onto them which is quite interesting. However, guess what? No
paint. I wander around a number of areas in the city without any luck
and ask a Chinese friend if she knows where to look. I get the
impression this kind of material isn't generally on sale to the
public because as far as I can make out DIY seems unknown in China.
Finally I find what I need online and decide to enlist the students'
help (again) to get started.
I make a few nice
meals at home, seafood pasta, paella, bolognaise and chilli. As I
have at present, to begin my social calendar from scratch again I
find myself frustrated with a lack of diverse contacts, which I guess
is a consequence of being in a foreign land.
I can occasionally
go out to the Route 66 bar but it's quite distant so I can't do it
too often. I develop the habit of hanging around the shacks near the
campus where I can have a beer and the occasional chat with a
colleague.
I realise
eventually that the source of my frustration is not having Sarah with
me: someone who is there just for me alone and while I can enjoy the
company of others now and then it simply isn't the same: you need
that special someone at times! I guess this is just another facet of
having come to China at the age of 50: one needs these ties more than
one would at say, 24, or then again maybe that's always been a part
of my character. I remain sad that I haven't heard from the Chinese
associates I knew last year: it feels like a closed chapter in my
life. I feel the loneliness of the outsider: at times it is a
self-imposed state of exile.
I become depressed
and lonely, longing to hear a message from someone, but rarely doing
so. Perversely, you may feel, there are odd social occasions that
come up but they tend to be the “wrong” sort: semi-formal
university events or large gatherings. Fortunately there is a quiz
night at Route 66 but owing to my current state of mind I feel too
lethargic to go: I try to go online to talk to Sarah but I have so
many problems doing this that I give up in frustration and go anyway
although I turn up late, I'm still welcome to join in which I manage
to do and have a good time! Following this there is a Halloween
party, and I think about costume but do not have the time to make
anything that works: in my experience fancy dress needs a lot of
effort to pull off successfully: however it does make for a fun
evening.
I invite a few
friends from the bar to my flat where I make a Mexican dinner, with
fajitas, home-made guacamole, salsa and refried beans and jalapenos
from the export shop. This makes for a very pleasant evening and we
have a very good time.
However this is an
occasional treat, afterwards I return to my old local haunts
wondering what to do with myself. Everything seems too much effort.
Finally after a particularly miserable evening I decide I've had
enough and that the only person who is going to change anything is
me.
So I email all the
Chinese from last year and wish them well, expressing sadness that we
have not spoken for a while. This prompts a return from Seven and
Christine who invite me for lunch, so we have an enjoyable time
together and I hope to see them again over Christmas. I also arrange
to visit an Italian pizza place in town with a friend, go to a bar
where the barmaid is an old friend, who I haven't seen for ages and
forgotten about, visit the student bar, invite some colleagues to
dinner at my flat, cycle out to Route 66 on Sunday for a beer and
bump into a couple of friends. It makes for a much better week. I
decide to be kinder to myself. One of my problems is that I expect
too much of myself and of others at times: it's not realistic and
leads to unhappiness. I also arrange to visit a friend in Beijing and
begin to realise I don't have to be lonely and isolated.
As the weather
becomes colder a hideous, Ripper-esque smog descends on the city and
I find myself walking around in a phantasmagorical seascape as if the
entire area has become like some nightmarish city under the sea, and
an eerie silence has descended over everything. It is the worst I
have seen since coming to China. Every sound is muffled and ghostlike
figures wander silently through the fog, like the shades in the land
of the dead.
I follow this up with Thai chicken curry, a madras-style vegetable curry and Malabar prawn curry which is a bit hotter. The evening goes well and everyone has a good time! I have become aware though, that the creative energy that should be going into making art seems to be going into social planning and my cooking.
I do enjoy the odd
bottle of beer in the shacks but to my dismay I find that many of
them are being pulled down: I wonder if they will all disappear soon?
Weather forecasts among colleagues portend a savagely cold midwinter
ahead: it may be time to plan a shopping trip for warmer clothes
again.
No comments:
Post a Comment